Why blonde?
by Listless.and.Lovely
Summary: Sophie asks a simple question. Howl responds. Sophie is less than happy, Howl is unusually distant.
1. Chapter 1

"Howl," Sophie said it quiet enough that if he were sleeping it wouldn't wake him. But she knew he was awake, like always. He didn't seem to sleep, and it bothered her.

"Mm," it was a noise to say, 'I hear you.' It said nothing else.

"Why is it so important to be beautiful? Before, when I was still cursed, your hair color nearly made you kill yourself."

"Don't exaggerate!" He laughed easily.

"What's the point of living if you can't be beautiful? That's what you said, Howl."

"It's not like that," he smiled at her, ruffled her hair with one hand. "Beauty is more complicated than you'd think."

"I'm afraid I don't understand." It was something she admitted frequently.

"It wasn't just that I was ugly because of the hair. It was how it made me feel."

Sophie looked at him with cold eyes. She didn't mean to be cold, but this fine boned, handsome man didn't understand what ugly truly felt like. Each morning she still ran her hands over her face, expecting to feel the topographical old woman face. All she ever felt was her face, smooth and plain.

"You can be remarkably beautiful and still be the ugliest girl in the world. I see your heart when I look in your eyes, Sophie, and there's nothing more beautiful than that."

He was excited and flushed, his hair blowing from some private, internal wind.

"Howl. I _only_ feel beautiful when you look at me." She couldn't tell him it still didn't make her feel beautiful. It made he feel like she was worthy. Like she deserved Howl's love.

His smile shrank slightly. There would always be things he didn't understand.

There would always be things he learned in time. His heart was still young, too young to understand the pain inside Sophie's.

"Why blonde? What's more beautiful about light hair?"

His smile became private; something about his lips turned and Sophie began to feel like he was leaving her again.

He no longer flew away for days. There was little reason for that. He did, however disappear into his mind, in his studies and in his actions, and Sophie knew this made her feel worse. He was there but he wasn't. He was a million miles away and lying in the meadow next to her.

She'd never felt more alone than when he had his arms wrapped around her one freezing night.

They had stay outside, regardless of when the temperature dropped. When she could no longer feel her fingers, she said, "Let's get inside."

He looked at her, still smiling, and said, "Don't worry little girl, they're on their way."

She'd pulled him inside, sat him in front of the fire, and wept quietly in the bath.

"Howl?" she'd said his name a dozen times before he'd reawakened from his memory.

"Soapy?" it was close enough. The same smile had graced his lips.

"I was asking about your hair."

"Mm." Again, he said less than was polite.

She got slowly to he feet and began to walk away. He flung himself at her legs after she was more than a few yards away.

"Imagine the most beautiful woman, Sophie, so beautiful it hurts your heart to look at her! But it hurts far more to look away! Imagine her nose and lips and her cheeks and her eyes. Imagine her nails and hair and skin!"

"Alright, alright, I'll try." She laughed, humoring him. He was so energetic that it was quite tiring at times.

"Imagine that she's perfect. Think of her body, beneath rich clothes. Ah, the curve of her hips, the waist, the breasts…uh ha, you get the idea."

He smiled, attempting to remove the scowl from Sophie.

"I see her in my head. Get on with it."

"I met this woman once, Sophie, and she was perfect."

"Who was she?"

"She was Beauty."

"A demon of beauty? I didn't know there was such a thing."

"There isn't. She was more than that. And much less. She simply _was_ Beauty."

"You met a living concept? I suppose stranger things have happened."

"She looked right at me and…"

Howl's eyes were boring into Sophie's. It was the same look he'd had when he stopped the battleship those weeks ago. It was frightening.

"Sophie, she could see my heart, even then. She read my soul."

"She read your soul?"

"Her eyes were like diamonds, or needles. Sharp and shiny."

"But how do you read a soul?"

He shook his head, bored of Sophie. She bogged down his story with questions!

"She looked at me, into me, and she said,"

--flashback--

"Hello little Blackbird."

"Why do you call me that?"

She looked at him with more than her eyes.

"You know why."

"My name is—"

"Your name, to me, is Blackbird."

He nodded. He was transfixed. She had an aura around her. It pulled at him gently, asking him to come with her. Asking him for his company. Calling him Blackbird.

"You are very beautiful. You will be one day."

"Beautiful?"

"I can tell."

"One day?"

She smiled with more than her face.

"I want that now. I don't want to wait."

She closed her eyes slowly and pulled him near her. She pouted her lips gently and breathed what could only be compared to the air of a moonlit desert over him.

He blinked away the magic and looked quizzical at her.

"I don't feel beautiful."

She held a small, lacquered mirror before his face. "That's the true magic, hm?"

"True magic?"

"The beautiful Blackbird doesn't feel his beauty." She kissed the back of the mirror, leaving an imprint.

He looked at himself. His eyes seemed brighter, and his hair was bright and he felt like he was glowing.

"This mirror is powerful magic. Very powerful and very old."

She handed it to him freely.

"This mirror cannot lie to you. It will always show you the essence of a creature. Never be fooled by what appears to be beautiful."

"It's dangerous?"

"The simplest magics are those which fool the eyes. Remember that it is not the object that is changed. It is what our eyes are told they see."

--end flashback--

"Howl."

"Yes."

It was more than two words could encompass. He knew what she wanted and she knew what he meant.

He pulled a small, lacquered mirror with a perfect lip print from a pocket she hadn't known existed.

"You see more than yourself. She told me, 'This mirror cannot lie.'"

"But…"

"Hm, Sophie? But what?"

"What if I look into it and I'm not beautiful?"

He stashed the mirror away, back into whenever it had come from.

"Well, then don't look into it."

"I'm sorry."

He simply smiled at her, distantly. She knew he was back there, taking a magical mirror from a perfect woman.

She was living with the man she loved and she'd never felt more alone. Of course, Howl loved her. Deeply, madly, passionately. But she wanted more than a burning magical affair. She wanted him to think of her the way she thought of him. To see her smile when he closed his eyes, rather than whatever it was that called him away, deep into his mind.

She felt like he didn't really need her. And that scared her more than any monster, witch, or demon.

Closing her eyes, she dreamed of a sweet set of hands, braiding flowers and ribbons into moonlit hair. They were not Howl's hands. She awoke with the unshakeable feeling that she was to travel very, very soon.


	2. Chapter 2

When she knew he was in that state of dreaming awakeness, she asked him everything she could

When she knew he was in that state of dreaming awakeness, she asked him everything she could. Howl didn't sleep in any conventional sense of the word. Sophie learned early on that they could have deeply personal conversations and in the morning, he had no idea what they had talked about, or that they had even talked.

It was like he was dreaming with his eyes opened. That was what most of his life was like. It was wonderful and terrifying all at once.

"Where do I find the Beauty witch?"

"Where a river starts and a mountain dies. Where a star fell and flowers grew."

Sophie remembered a cavern they flew over, surrounded a meadow with a deep pit in the middle, where Howl said something fell from the sky and left its mark, a deep bowl shaped crater. Flowers bloomed all over it.

"Will she hurt me?"

"No more than you can hurt her."

"What will she do to me?"

"What you will ask. What dreams are and what life is." He was answering the question of someone in his dream. Someone she couldn't see.

She kissed him, unable to stop a tear from descending and making everything seem so bittersweet.

She did not say goodbye to Howl that morning. She snuck out through the cellar, praying Markl and the Witch of the Wastes, (Sophie still couldn't think of her as anything but), stayed sleeping.

It was early and she knew if she saw Howl she couldn't bear the thought of leaving. She knew she'd look into his eyes and she wouldn't have the heart to be alone.

Before, when she had no one, loneliness hadn't felt like this. She stopped, a handful of yards from where the castle was temporarily, and wept.

She cried until she felt as though she had no tears left in her life. While her mother breezed about and her sister made countless dollars in tips, Sophie had been the reasonable one.

She had set aside loneliness, disappointment, and above all else, love, to keep the hat store in business. It made her feel closer to her father, though she knew he was dead, to keep his dream alive.

But that day, the day Howl put his arm around her and flew her away, she felt as though her heart had begun to beat for the first time in her short life.

Now, the thought of a life without love was like a life without food. She couldn't imagine living without Howl.

That was why she so desperately wanted to assure herself that he would never leave her. That she would never lose his interest. And she would never feel safe until she was beautiful.

The first night was agony. She couldn't cry because her heart simply hurt too much. She and Howl had slept in the same bed every night since the war ended and without his even breathing and assuring presence, she managed to sleep only from sheer exhaustion.

In the morning, she unpacked the mirror she secret from his pocket and the compass Markl had given her on her birthday.

She still couldn't bring herself to open it, to look at herself.

As well as she could remember, the crater-valley was far to the East. So she began to walk.

It was no more difficult than her journey to the wastes, but she still felt tired. Despite her aching feet, she walked until she reached a shaded grove.

There, she rested for the night.

In the morning, she managed to reach the edge of the crater. Looking into it, she felt a profound emptiness she couldn't explain. It felt very familiar, and she stood there, among the waist-high wildflowers, and looked down, into the center.

"I wonder if the ground burned," she said aloud. "When the star fell."

"It did," a smoky voice replied. It was so light and faraway she was sure she had imagined it. The valley and crater, though richly flowered, were quite desolate. It was eerily still.

Sophie looked all around. She was frightened, and with good reason. She remembered what Howl had said when she suggested a picnic.

"There? Are you sure, Sophie?"

"Don't you think it would be lovely, hiking over to the center and having a lunch?"

"No, darling. That crater isn't the sort of place for you. It's not really the sort of place for me, either."

"Why's that?"

"Old magic, creeping things…Sophie, that crater is full of dangerous creatures."

"You don't need to be so protective! Need I remind you who saved who's life?" it was a cutting remark, but she took most of the sting out by simply smiling.

Howl had grabbed her, pulling her so close that she felt his heart. It sped up.

"I don't want anything to happen to you."

Sophie had felt bad for picking a fight.

"I love you, Howl."

"I love you to, Sophie."

She was sitting alone, on the edge of a massive crater, when she should have been with that sweet, eccentric man. That magic man with thin hands and bright eyes.

But he could stop loving her, couldn't he? She felt quite sure he wouldn't but each time she passed a woman more beautiful than she, her hand tightened on his. Just a gentle squeeze to remind him she was there.

Thinking of him, and his hand laced through hers, she thought she imagined the tightening of something around her wrist. But she felt a tug on the other wrist, and on each ankle.

Looking quickly at her extremities, she saw scaly vines wrapped around her extremities.

She suppressed a scream and attempted to remain calm. Breathing deeply, she slowly pulled first one, then the other, wrist from its binding.

Carefully, she eased the coils off of her ankles and began to run. It was far more difficult than she would have first thought, for the surface of the crater was rippling and unleveled.

She tripped soundly, smacking the ground hard. Her eyes watered, feeling her knee and right hip throb warmly. She managed to get to her feet and tested her ankles with a few short steps. Her knee ached, but was moveable. Her hip was sore, but not dislocated.

She knew she had to get to the Beauty Witch before the sun set, for she could not imagine trying to spend a night in the crater.

She walked on, feeling as though she made no progress. It was like the land was stretching away, making her travel twice as far to get to the horizon.

"How odd," she said.


	3. Chapter 3

After what felt like hours, Sophie hadn't made any progress

After what felt like hours, Sophie hadn't made any progress. The sun was still high, she reckoned it was near noon, but she seemed to stay in the same place, no matter how far she walked.

Stopping to rest, she nearly cried out in frustration. Closing her eyes against the vivid sun, she felt a strong breeze. She opened her eyes and all was still.

Closing her eyes once more, she shakily got to her feet. She felt the breeze again, as though it were guiding her forward.

'What a sight I must be,' she thought to herself. Hands outstretched, hair and clothing blown by the wind, she was not wrong to think herself odd-looking.

After a hundred or so paces, the wind stopped. Sophie opened her eyes and looked around.

She was only a handful of yards from the center. On the ground before her was a large, grey beast.

Curled, she could see it rippling with breath, deep in sleep.

She made her way slowly around it, silently praying it stay asleep.

The beast's eyes opened, green and bright. It had the vertical pupils she'd seen on house cats, but as it yawned, she saw a sinister grin of sharp, stiletto teeth.

"Where are we going on today?"

She was a bit surprised it could talk, but she felt oddly unafraid.

"If we solve Task's riddles we get to pass by. If we solve it fast, Task will carry us to the center and out again."

"You are Task?"

"Yes, this is Task."

"How many riddles do I need to solve?"

"Task has three."

"Alright. What's the first riddle?"

"The one who makes it sells it.  
The one who buys it doesn't use it.  
The one who's using it doesn't know he's using it."

"The one who buys it doesn't use it?"

Sophie thought hard to herself. If she didn't answer the riddles correctly, she was afraid she might be eaten.

"The one who's using it…dead." She heard that smoky voice once more. She was sure she hadn't imagined it.

She smiled, suddenly knowing, "It's a coffin, isn't it, Task?"

"We are smarter than Task would think."

"We'll see. Can I hear the second one?"

"Once I was water, full of scaly fish;  
but, by a new decision, Fate has changed my nature:   
having suffered fiery pangs, I now gleam white, like ashes or bright snow."

"Hm, so you burned, but you were water, and white…what's white?"

"Remember…boiling water, when it boiled what was left?" the same voice spoke.

It frightened Sophie, for she knew not why it was helping, and Howl had well taught her to question gifts given freely by magic folk.

But Sophie did remember, boiled seawater left behind a snow-white residue, "It's salt. It must be."

"Task likes us. Task won't kill, even if we answer the last wrongly."

"Thank you, Task. I like you too."

Task smiled and then spoke, "At night they come without being fetched and by day they are lost without being stolen."

"I want to say dreams, but I feel that's too easy. But," she paused. Biting her lip, she hated that she was stalling, waiting for the voice again.

"You know this one."

"No," she whispered. "I don't."

"Heart," it said, smoky and cold. "Heart is what? It howls for you."

"Stars, Task," tears in her eye, Sophie said. "The stars!"

"Task is carrying you now."

Uncurled from the ground, Task was shorter than a horse, but lankier and feline. He bent, allowing Sophie to climb to his back. There was little to hold, though Sophie found the short ride to the center enjoyable and well balanced. Task was a kind beast, fangs, claws and all.

Task stopped two paces from the direct center. He bowed, letting Sophie touch the ground.

"Task wish us luck. Task hopes all goes well."

He seemed frightened, but still, Sophie had come so far, hadn't she? Why stop now? She waited until Task had disappeared, running fast back to his furrow, to walk those last two paces.

She whistled to herself, taking first one step and then another. She was in the direct center of the burned out crater.

At first, she felt nothing. Sighing, she began to silently scold herself for being so silly. But then, she felt a sudden rush of energy, a burning almost, and an overpowering smell of smoke.

The air around her grew hazy; she could barely see a foot in front of her face.

Scared, she stood very still, waiting for the air to clear and preparing to run once it had.

Around her, the darkness gathered. She whispered Howl's name and held back tears. What was happening?

"Sophie is your name?"

"That voice. You're the voice from before."

"Yes, I am."

"But who are you? Are you going to hurt me?"

"No. I had not planned on harming you. I only must ask, are you ready?"

"Ready?"

"For the rest of your journey?"

"I need to find the Beauty Witch. I must."

The earth seemed to sigh.

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as my heart beats. As sure as the wind blows, and fire burns. Let me pass!" Where had that come from? She sounded like Task!

"As you will it, Sophie."

The sun came out once more. Sophie didn't see anyone, demon or otherwise, in the area.


	4. Chapter 4 fixed

"How generous it was. Whoever it was."

She began to walk once more, toward the cave looming in the distance.

After ten minutes of solid walking over rippled terrain, Sophie's feet were aching. The land around her looked so different than it had when she first started walking.

Ten yards away, she saw a sizable pond, diamond clear and surrounded by lushly green garden space.

Thinking to herself about how nice and cool the pond would be on her sore feet, she gradually changed courses towards the pond.

She was there in no time. It was so beautiful and clean. She removed her socks and shoes lightening-quick, wading in and gasping.

"Oh! Yes, this is just what I needed."

Looking around, she saw she was shielded from view. Not that there was anyone around to see her. She decided to strip down to her underclothes and have a brief swim.

Her dress she wetted and did her best to clean, leaving it to dry stretched over a flat, hot stone.

Floating on her back, she did not hear the rustle of a small, black-eared animal in her pack. Presently, it robbed her of her last food and scuttled away, up a tree.

Sophie's limbs grew heavy and tired, too tired to swim. So she waded back out of the pool, letting the sun dry and warm her skin.

Soon, she felt the telltale rumble of hunger in her stomach.

Retrieving her pack, she was stunned to see she had been raided.

"Oh, no! That was my last loaf of bread! And my cheese, it's gone!"

However, Sophie's despair did not last long. Growing all around her was a garden, no just of flowers but of bright vegetables and fruits.

"It would feel wrong to take something someone else worked so hard on…" Sophie said as she toured the garden. Shortly, she came upon a plaque that, in many languages, said:

"For Travelers

For Lost Souls

For Beggars

For Empty Bowls."

"How kind," Sophie said, picking a grape from its sprigged vine. Soon, she had picked out a peach, a carrot and two plums. After that she had a radish, an apple, several greens she didn't know the names of…she ate feastingly, trying all manner of odd fruits and vegetables.

All she tasted was fresh, perfectly ripe and filling. She went back to her flat rock and redressed, now dry and warm against the chill she felt creeping across the crater into the garden.

It was about time she started to head back, wasn't it? She walked around in what felt like circles.

Where she had known there was an opening to the outside, there was nothing. Where there ad been walls, there were none. The garden shifted and changed, forcing her to its center.

But Sophie seemed unaware, simply walking where her feet carried her.

"You're mine now," a smoky voice said. It seemed to be the air speaking to her. It was something, a spirit, a demon, something old, powerful and starved.

Sophie looked around, head foggy and eyelids heavy.

She was in a luxurious garden pavilion, where one might sit and take in the day as the sun rose or set.

It was a round pavilion, a great tiled mosaic was underfoot, rippling and writhing to Sophie's eyes like a great serpent with something dangerous within its coils.

Along one edge of the pavilion were several narrow, but plush, sleeping cots.

"Tired…" Sophie said. "Just. A minute. To rest," she mumbled, sinking into the nearest one.

She felt the reassuring pressure and warmth of blankets wrapped around her, but when had it gotten so cold?

She shivered, shrinking further into the comfort and security of the blanket cocoon. She'd get up in a moment. It had been so long a day, so much walking, so hard, so hard.

Sleep had come like a quiet summer rain, softly and unnoticed. Sophie did not feel the cloth slip up, over her head and firmly around her, like restraints.

In her dreams, she saw a much older version of herself and Howl, playing with a winged child whose hair was the color of the moon and the sun.

"You're mine now," the voice said once more.


	5. Chapter 5: The End

Sophie was sleeping. Or it felt like sleeping. It felt like warm water washing over her, warm sand cradling her from below. It felt like a secure place. No one could hurt her here.

But something was coming. The smoky voice, for it had to belong to someone, had materialized. In the courtyard stood a colorless creature. Eyes of smoke and skin of ash, It was neither male nor female.

In the deathly chill of the courtyard, It stood naked. Its flesh, pocked with strange black spots of decay. Its hands and feet were rippled with scars, as though It had suffered burns to its extremities.

For teeth It had dagger nubs, sunk like jagged pebbles in thick, grey gums. All about the creature was ugly. It breathed evil. It fed on beauty and love. It was hungry.

Still, Sophie slept soundly. Her dreams were vivid nothingness, colors and shapes that man could never name. She heard no words, felt nothing. There was no sadness in this strange, sleepy world she had entered.

From a distance, the Greyness watched a figure approach. She was veiled in light fabrics, blown by a strange breeze. Throwing back both long-sleeve arms, she was blown into the garden within seconds. It seemed as though her patience had worn out.

Now, close enough, the Greyness could see the woman clearly. She wasn't human, no more human than It was.

Her clothing was from somewhere else, possibly somewhere that didn't exist in this world. Still, were her dressing compared to anything it would be that of the Orient. Her clothing was all silks, bright and layered. Mythical beasts reared and curled and basked on her arms, near her feet, and across her back. Her sleeves and hems were gardens of bright, undying flowers.

She was very old and very young. She was beautiful and sad. The Greyness feared her and loathed her and wished to be her.

This was whom Sophie had sought out, who she had risked her life to find. It all seemed so simple, would seem so simple, if only Sophie could awaken.

This woman was ancient and powerful, and if any could help Sophie it would be her.

She was like a shattered, colorful bauble. She was strangely beautiful but somehow dangerous. Something about the shape of her hands, perhaps the sharpness of her eyes, said quite clearly, 'keep away.'

The feet that walked so far from the garden to the courtyard stepped lighter than should be possible. The feet were bare, with long toes and pale flesh.

Still, they walked, carrying a gracefully great weight of power. It was a walk moved by a legacy of goodness.

Sophie slept. In this warm world, how could anything bad happen? No one could die here; there would be no words for tears or pain or sadness, death and illness. There was no evil and no goodness still. There was just the feeling of your heartbeat, the colors of dreaming and the warm, comfort of the cocoon, slowly rocking in its impossible wind.

But soon, Sophie heard the Greyness, the smoky voice, call to her. It sounded, in her dreamworld, like Howl. But it was not Howl. It was something sinister, with a full set of sharp teeth.

"Here for me you'll rest so still

Upon my food you did feast

I am a thing that can't be killed

By magic, nor man nor beast"

And the bare feet walked further on. A voice like honey and snowflakes answered the smoky one.

"Sophie wake so gentle now

So much to do with little time

Together we will easy that brow

You're still his, you're never mine"

Sophie fought to stay asleep. Here in this warm, dark world no one could see her. She didn't have to work; she never woke to feel the oldness (the curse still haunting her), in her bones. She was never reminded of how her mother left, her father died, she didn't feel pretty enough. She didn't have to worry in this dry, dark place. In her dreams, all was so clean and so unfailingly bright.

"Sophie does as Sophie wants

She is mine forevermore

She heard the don'ts and the can'ts

And she'll leave here nevermore"

A pipe sounded reedily across the courtyard. She was much closer now. It nearly echoed off the mosaics. Still around her, the darkness gathered. The walls twisted as she took her careful steps into the courtyard, just as it had twisted to trap Sophie.

If she had ran, she could have made it, could have passed the maze, entwining and closing in, trying to catch her like a fly in a web. But she couldn't run. Running attracted its attention, and she still attempted to lull it into distraction.

"She is but one silly girl

Nothing special you must see

Not a diamond or precious pearl

Why not just give the lass to me?"

The woman gently rubbed her hands together, over and over. Soon, they parted. In one palm lay a perfect, vividly white pearl. She placed her lips on it, giving it a bright pink shade. It shimmered like wildfire.

The Greyness stood before her. It looked at Sophie with its colorless eyes. It was cold and vast.

"I despise my lonely nights

This little girl would give me life

But I cannot win this fight

You are a sharp and cold knife.

You think your beauty hides you well

Fine of figure and of face

But your pain is a secret none can tell

Empty and alone and full of grace

Take this Sophie far from me

Treat her well, for her heart thrives

She is not mine or yours you see

She is one half of a pair of lives."

For a very long time, the woman's voice made no reply.

"Sleep now, Greyness

The time to end this game has come

You never will feel happiness

The evils past cannot be undone."

"Sophie, the time has come to wake

Open your eyes to see the lights

Yours is a life that none can take

Without bringing death and endless night."

Sophie felt as though she had died and been resurrected, suddenly submerged in iced water. She had to get out, out of the prison of cloth and back home. That was where she belonged. With Howl and Markl and even the Witch of the Wastes and Suliman's wheezy old dog.

She was alone and she was going to die. Howl and Markl and the Witch and the dog! They still needed her, and she still needed them!

"Please let me go! I'm so scared. I don't want to die, please!"

Sophie felt the air all around her. Whatever had spelled her was gone. The tears on her face were cool in the breeze that whistled through the courtyard.

"Hello?" she called. She wanted to thank the mysterious voice that had called to her and saved her.

"Hello Sophie."

"How do you know my name?"

The thing, the woman, before her smiled a strange, sad smile.

Sophie knew that the answer didn't matter any more. She had found her.

"You're the Beauty Witch."

"In a manner, yes. But I'm no witch."

"Then how do you do what you do? Pardon me, I meant, how do you change people?"

"Changing a face, a nose, an eye color, is not difficult. What I do is not magic. It just is."

"I don't understand." Sophie paused, so used to apologizing. "But I don't need to understand this. It's un-understandable, isn't it?"

Beauty blinked slowly, processing Sophie's words.

"Well, you do understand then, don't you?"

Sophie smiled politely. She wasn't sure, but that didn't matter.

"Shall we?"

"Shall we what?"

"Ah, you must forgive me. I've not spoken to a mortal in some times. Shall we return to my home?"

"You won't harm me, will you?"

The woman looked at her with deadly conviction.

"I can do no harm. However, the creatures of the night, here more than anywhere else are not under the same obligation."

"What creatures?"

"Things without names and with poison teeth. Sophie, we must leave now."

"Alright," she said, preparing to run.

The woman took her hand.

"Don't open your eyes until I tell you. Don't let go and whatever happens, don't listen to anything, no matter what they say."

"They…?" Sophie said quietly. Scared, she held the woman's hand tightly.

"Sorry about that, but there is no other way for me to transport you."

"It's alright," Sophie said. She closed her eyes. "I'm ready."

She heard the woman inhale deeply. Soon, it felt as though they were on a train, bulleting down a mountain tunnel. There was no sound, at first.

"Come play, Sophie-doll. We have puppies and kitties. There are flowers to pick here, Sophie. Come with us Sophie," the last voice sounded like Markl. Exactly like him.

"Sophie, my darling. Why did you go? Come back," said a voice like Howl's. A hand reached out, brushing the hand that held onto the woman. it clamped down on Sophie's wrist.

"You're not Howl! You're not real!" Sophie yelled. The hand that touched hers was icily cold, with short, stubby fingers.

She did break her promise, though, and opened one eye. That hand clasping her wrist was half-formed, almost like a hand made of partially baked bread dough. It was malformed, as though the one who had made it had only ever had a human hand described to them.

Sophie screamed the scream of true fear. The hand connected to a slender arm, sharply angled. She looked to its face and saw what Howl would look if he were made of wax and blood and had been placed near a fire. His features were there well enough that she could discern who it was meant to be, but the terrifying spectacle before her was demonic and deformed.

"Come, Sophie. Kiss me once more. KISS ME," the Howl-creature commanded.

She screamed once again, and began sobbing. She felt stable ground beneath her feet and collapsed.

"Please, it's alright. Breath deeply Sophie."

Sophie collected herself, accepting an offer for some tea and looked up.

"Oh, my," the woman gasped.

"What is it?" Sophie questioned, terrified.

"Sophie, your, your eye," she said, fumbling with a pocket mirror.

For a long time, Sophie didn't say anything.

"I didn't ask for this."

"I didn't do it."

Her eye had turned shock-blue-white. The iris, formerly a soft, deep forest green, had taken on a vivid, delicate shade of blue. Turning the mirror, she saw her familiarly colored right eye.

"Why did this happen?"

"When I travel between two places, I use a certain kind of space. It's like a rope, stretched between locations. There are lines like that all around us. Magical beings can see and use them. Unfortunately, all the bad magic, not evil magic understand, but poorly executed charms, spilled potions, they pool in these places."

"Bad magic? Like a spell that goes wrong?"

"Exactly. It's my belief that the backfired spells and mismixed potions caused these spaces to emerge, rather than the other way around."

"It wasn't real, right?" The woman nodded. "And these left-over magic creature can't harm you?"

"Correct."

"Well, it hurt my heart to see those creatures, hear their voices. It scared me so badly."

"I told you not to open your eyes," she said in a small voice.

"Why would you take me to such a place?"

"It's alright that you're angry."

"Please don't dismiss my feelings. Just let me speak for a moment."

"I am truly sorry."

"You said you could not harm anything, but in that place, whatever it is, I was more afraid than I've ever been before."

"Well…"

"No. There is nothing you can say to make me feel better."

"I _am_ sorry, Sophie."

"I know. But I don't have to forget what you've done, even if I forgive you."

"Do you?"

"Ask me later." She looked around for the first time.

"Where are we?"

"The entrance to a cave. You can stay in my home for the night, leave in the morning."

"Stay in a cave?"

"Nonsense, I meant my home. It's down this passage."

Sophie followed. The stone of the cave was smooth and polished, but there was no water and the floors and walls were dry.

"A thousand years ago, there was a river here. It ran through, a drop at a time, until it wore through the stone. After ten years, a child could crawl through. Twenty, and a crouched woman could squeeze through the passage. Forty, and a man could walk through with only a slight stoop. But the walls were still so very narrow. After a hundred years, there was enough room for me to touch each wall with a bent arm. Three hundred more years and I could touch them both with straight arms. Hundreds after that, each finger just reached. Now," she gestured.

"What happened to the water?" Sophie asked. She had felt lulled by the story and her pulse had finally slowed to a somewhat normal pace.

"When the water had first made it through the stone, it had no pace to go. In those hundreds of years, it began wearing away at the rock on the outside. It began wearing its mark into the dirt of the valley. The grasses became submerged, decaying and providing nutrients. Then, seeds blew into the valley. At this time, it was no longer an empty valley. In the middle was a pond. Then, a lake, teeming with life."

"What happened? The land is dry now. Dusty."

"The star fell. Burned up the water. Scorched the land."

"Why do the flowers grow so well here?"

She sighed, looking up at some unseeable object.

"Because I want them too," Beauty replied, after a very long silence.

The end of the cave corridor was a smooth wooden door. Its knob and bracings were bright silver.

She opened the door with little pretense, waving Sophie in first.

Sophie stood, staring at the vast hall in amazement. The floors were a beautiful inlaid stone design.

"I find that it helps one clear one's mind," she said, tapping a nearby Mandela with a bare toe.

'I wonder,' Sophie thought to herself. 'How she manages to keep her feet so clean if she never wears shoes.'

The walls, by contrasts, were black white stone and rather boring.

"May I?" she asked.

Sophie looked at her, thoroughly puzzled.

"Your hair is the perfect color for my foyer."

"Your foyer? My hair?"

Beauty looked at her, smiling from her eyes to her chin. It was pleasant. She smoothed her hands over Sophie's hair gently.

When she pulled her hands away, she twitched her wrists, spreading her fingers outwards as though she were scattering water from her hands.

The room brightened, the walls turned to a quicksilver moonlight color. Odd, undulating patterns twisted themselves into place. Stone masonry shaped itself in the walls. The perfect entrance to the perfect castle.

"Oh my, it is very beautiful."

"It is what it is. It is a room. It is a place; it is part of my home. And it is a part of me. And now…"

"A part of me?"

"Yes, Sophie. It is now."

"And I've a part of you?"

"In a way. In many ways."

Sophie was beginning to see that this woman, whoever and whatever she was, was annoyingly enigmatic. She spoke in half-riddles, never revealing more than she was comfortable with.

"Is part of Howl here, too?"

"Do you think so?"

Sophie considered it, and felt a tugging in her heart.

"Yes, part of him must be here," she answered. She looked about, walking slowly into the rooms adjacent to the foyer. She ran her hands along a blondewood mantle and clicked across a likely looking ebony floor, before she stopped in front of a stained glass window.

It wasn't a picture, but instead a pattern. Shards of deep midnight blue and gold caught the light and swallowed it, while pieces of lighter blues filtered it out. Pale yellow, creams and whites speckled the light as well. Deep within its center was a shard of silver. It must have been true silver, for no light came through it.

This, she was sure, must have been a part of Howl, once upon a time. It let her feel who he was; who he had been, she mentally corrected herself.

It seemed to twist and move the longer she stared at it, but she couldn't seem to look away. It was entrancing.

"Sophie."

She followed the voice into a small, lavish bedroom.

"You can sleep here tonight. There's clothing in the wardrobe there," she pointed, and it opened. All the garments were silk of varying thickness and vibrancy. The array was dizzying.

"And Sophie?"

"Yes?"

"Do you forgive me?"

"I did tell you to ask me later, didn't I?" the woman did nothing, still as a statue. "Yes, I suppose I do."

"I'd never taken a mortal that way before. I had to get you out of there before the sun set."

"I forgive you," she said. She suddenly felt like crying. It was as though she was forgiving all the women who had harmed her, intentionally or not. Her mother, her sisters, the Witch of the Wastes, even girls who had slighted her years ago. She felt an enormous amount of relief.

"Thank you, Sophie," she turned to leave. "Nothing here will harm you. Wander freely. My castle should be considered your home, albeit only for a short while. Nothing is forbidden here."

"Thank you."

Sophie fell instantly asleep, barely even changing into a silk sleep gown patterned with bright white birds and black birds, chasing silver flower petals all around her hems and sleeves.

In the morning, a tray of breakfast waited in a large dining hall. Beauty ate nothing, but Sophie devoured several hearty mouthfuls of various breakfast foods.

"Why did you seek me?"

She wanted to be what dreams were made of…

"I wanted you to make me beautiful. It seems all together. Stupid, now."

"It is rarely stupid to want something so strongly. What were the reasons behind you desire?"

After the stories the woman had shared, it was Sophie's turn.

"A long time ago, you met a small boy. You read his heart and called him Blackbird. You gave him hair like spun gold."

"I remember Blackbird."

"Do you ever forget anyone?"

"No. Never."

"I've never felt love like this before, not with anyone. I never want him to leave me."

"Why would he?"

"Well, I'm not perfect."

"Neither am I," she replied.

Sophie looked at her, confused.

"No one can be perfect. Nothing."

"Well, that's not all. There are many more girls out there. Real beauties. I've never turned a head, never caught anyone's eye."

"Never caught an eye? You've caught a heart."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"Howl can have any girl in the entire world. Many more beautiful, more talented, more magical. He could always find someone else and for me…for me there is only Howl."

"You seem to only understand half of what love is."

She picked up a smooth, glass sphere. It was about the size of an orange and deep red in color.

"Love," she said, dividing the sphere. "Is two halves. I hold one in each hand. Together, they make one object and apart, they are nothing but one half, remembering what completeness was."

She put the two back together, the part where they had separated disappeared.

"He does need me."

"More than he has needed anyone. More than he will ever need anyone."

"Howl won't leave me?"

"Blackbird must fly, but he must also roost."

"Does he love me?"

"He always will."

"Then…I am beautiful. The feelings I give him, the good he can do when we are together, that's beautiful, wouldn't you say?"

"You don't need me to answer that."

"He said once that I made him want to be brave, to do what is right," Sophie remembered.

"Howl is strong for you. He is kind because of you."

"He said something to me once. I was wondering if he heard it was true."

"What was it?"

"He said you could read his soul. He said you saw his heart."

"And yours? What do I see?"

Sophie nodded, determined to know.

"I see courage, compassion. A great capacity for forgiveness. I feel more kindness in you than anyone I've ever met."

Sophie looked as though she was near tears.

"Above all else, I see love."

"What's more beautiful than that?"

"Nothing." Beauty said it sadly, but Sophie couldn't understand why.

She did not think, nor could she ever, that there was anything human about Beauty. Perhaps that was why Sophie seemed to talk so freely to her.

But Beauty was more fragile than most humans. Her heart, as close to perfect any could be, had broken more than anyone else's.

Her eyes alone garnered more than a hundred suitors in her youth, but so quick was she to love that in the end, her heart was ruined.

She would never die by time or age. Instead of growing together, her lovers shrank with age and greyed, before dying and leaving her alone. But she was old, and a look into her eyes, which had once been dark as amethyst but were now pale as lilacs, told more sad stories than she would ever reveal.

"Sophie. Never die. Don't let Howl die."

She had nothing to say in return.

"I love happiness above all else, but I do not like being left behind."

Her tears were like diamonds.

"I know you won't hurt him Sophie. His heart may be young, but it still can break."

Beauty wiped the tears from her cheeks and handed one to Sophie. It wasn't just _like _a diamond, it had become one.

"Sophie. Wake up."

She didn't understand right away. Sophie shook her head, a question poised on her tongue.

"Wake up, Sophie," Beauty started to say. Oddly, her voice changed, deepened, until it could only belong to one person.

"Howl?"

Sophie was sufficiently confused. How had she gotten home already? She was all the way in…all the way…she had been…where had she been? Her head felt heavy.

"You must've dozed off, sweetest."

Sophie looked around. It was just after dawn.

"Oh, look what you've found!" Howl was excitedly holding up a sparkling, teardrop gem. It was an odd color for a diamond, so silvery moonlit.

"It's like your hair. It's like starlight! Your eyes, what happened?"

"Howl," she said simply overwhelmed by all his questions, hugging and pulling him close to her. "Someone once told me a Blackbird must fly, but it must also come home, mustn't it?"

"Yes. Blackbirds will always return to their nests," he smiled, looking at the gem as he held it to a lock of her hair.

Sophie wondered if he knew something she didn't, but thinking on it, she realized she didn't care.

Howl could have his arcane knowledge, his other worlds, and his magic, because what they felt together, the love that spread from their combined hearts, was more magical, more sacred and more indecipherable than any of his spell books.

Sophie got up and, hand in hand, she and Howl walked back inside their castle. After all, wasn't it about time they fly again?


End file.
